Oprah. Love or like the gal (who can hate her?), I doubt you’ve spent more time thinking about her than I have. I also doubt that anyone besides someone selling something has spent so much time lobbying her for a favor.

Full disclosure: I am Red Square’s Oprah guy. Even before I worked at Red Square, I was their Oprah guy. I wrote the first 100 tweets for its @YoOprah Twitter project. Don’t know about Yo?

@YoOprah is one of our many internal projects. More than any other, it’s strictly a publicity project. Its purpose is to solicit a #FF from @Oprah for @redsquareagency (her first ever, as far as we know). The thinking goes: If only half a percent of Oprah’s followers followed us, we’d have 45,000 new followers.

So far we have written about 400 tweets at her (270 by me, 130 by Nick Ewertz). They have ranged in style from direct petitioning to word play to prose to sending @YoOprah on soul-searching adventures into the American west. Each tweet is treated as if it were a client-facing headline.

Now we’re adding line extensions. Last week saw the genesis of @DearestOprah, the high tea and croquet-playing, butler-mistreating aristocrat whose May 13th #FF Masquerade Brunch is, at least in her mind, the day on which the much sought #FF will be literally served to us on a silver platter. So how much do I think about Oprah? Here are some other @YoOprah spinoffs anticipating launch in early 2012:

@CiaoOprah (Bringing much needed ragu and ravioli to the #FF quest.)
@HowdyOprah (If Oprah won’t give up a #FF, @HowdyOprah’ll wrangle it herself.)
@NuqnehOprah (“Nuqneh” is Klingon for “hello.” Coming 2364, if we still have #FFs.)
@AvastYeOprah (Pirate Oprah. She’d walk the plank for a #FF.)
@BraaaaainsOprah (“Braaaaains” is how zombies say “Hello, could you spare a #FF?”)
@KupoOprah (Part Moogle, part Oprah. If you thought a Star Trek Oprah was nerdy, think again.)

Why so many Oprahs? There’s a chance she blocked @YoOprah a long time ago. And we still want a #FF. Maybe it’ll secure us a small place in Twitter history. Maybe it’ll help us leverage our brand into a new market. In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll be working on @你好Oprah, but first I need to learn Mandarin.